The Forest for the Tress - A Dysfunctional Parable Part One

The Forest for the Trees - A Dysfunctional Parable - Part One
By Iam Confused, PFPS*, AMMMIT**, and RMS***
Certifications
*Perfect Functional Performance Specialist
**Athletic Manual Motor Manipulation Intervention Therapist
***Robotic Movement Specialist - Level III
Favorite Textbooks
Movement Made Complicated by Itsnot Rocketscience
The Pelican Principles by Charles Seagull Droppings
Professional Contributions
Subscriber and regular contributor to the
Journal of Virtual Function
The Journal of Bioanalytical Motor Movement Control
Charter member of the Association of American Associations
I got all the certifications I needed and learned all the ”functional” profiles I needed. I had all the theory. I was very confident that I could analyze and fix anyone. I had mastered the goniometers. I could move those athletes around on that treatment table with the best of them. I knew all about postural dysfunctions. I could teach people to fire their muscles in order like a well oiled machine. I could teach people to balance a ball on their nose with their eyes closed while standing on a physioball. (In fact I had to do that to get certified) I could teach movement from the outside in and inside out, from the top down or the bottom up. In short I could turn them every way but loose. After all I had all the certifications I could acquire and afford.
Now I was ready to go out into the world and produce results. But before I did I got a great opportunity, I got tickets to the Olympics. In fact I have front row tickets for the Men’s & Women’s 100 meter sprint in Athletics, the Men’s and Women’s final in the 100 meter swim and front row tickets for the start of the marathon. I could not wait because I would be able to observe all these great athletes in the context of my knowledge of movement.
As the athletes came out onto the track in the 100 meters and took their sweats off and prepared for their race, I was shocked. How possibly could they sprint, they all had lower crossed syndrome. I actually tried to stop the race and tell them not to run because with the tight psoas they all had, surely they would blow out their hamstrings. They would never be able to achieve the exact firing order. So how could they sprint? Despite my loud protests the athletes proceeded to their marks and started the race. All of them finished, which I found quite astounding. The winner broke the world record and the top five were under the old Olympic record, they should not have been able to do that